


Tonight, I Stay Awake

by Vengeful_Saitama



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:21:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25781284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vengeful_Saitama/pseuds/Vengeful_Saitama
Summary: Tonight, I stay awake. I guess that's how it is sometimes. Sometimes sleep won't come, and you only have the shadows dancing on your walls for company.
Relationships: Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov, Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky
Comments: 12
Kudos: 27





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Haruhi_Rose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haruhi_Rose/gifts).



> This came to very suddenly and all at once, and I felt the need to get it out. Love and touch are so important and beautiful to me. I hope I did ok. 
> 
> Bless,
> 
> Aoi

Tonight I stay awake. I guess that's how it is sometimes. Sometimes sleep won't come, and you only have the shadows dancing on your walls for company.

The city's gone silent. The lights are still shining in the streets down below, and in the windows of all the skyscrapers, where the night owls are finishing up, and the early birds are still a few hours away. Cars are still driving by, though few and far between. There's no conversation, there's no traffic...only quiet. 

I turn over, feeling the familiar brush of the cotton fiber sheets against my bare skin, light and crisp, freshly washed just this afternoon. I watched the shadows glide across the ceiling, smooth as silk. A car door slammed below. 

I'd been alone for so long, I almost didn't know how to stop. I'd convinced myself that I was almost better off that way. I'd walked alone my whole life. Even on the ice, under the gaze of hundreds of people, watching intently...I was alone in an icy cave. I could no longer feel any warmth. I was lost and alone. And I was better off that way...

And then there he was. 

I turned over onto my side this time, facing him. My angel. My savior. My everything. His jet-black hair was shiny like obsidian, glinting softly in the city lights streaming through the curtains. The lights played softly on his face like small, golden embers. He was peacefully asleep next to me, snuggled under the covers like a cat, without any care in the world. He was flawless; a sapphire with deep depths and vibrant color to those who could see it. 

I touched his face gently, barely making contact with his skin. He was so tired from traveling and training; he desperately needed his sleep, and I didnt want to disturb him just because it wouldn't come to me. He was so warm, wrapped in the blanket and sheets and his thick cotton pajamas. It was amazing, just laying next to him and feeling his warmth. All the heaters in the world couldn't make me feel like this. I took in his every detail: the shape of his smooth jawline, the contours and curves of his throat, the slope in his shoulders. I could feel the movement of his chest as he breathed softly, barely to be heard. Laying next to him, feeling him exist...I didn't have a word to describe what that felt like to me, not in English, Russian or Japanese. There wasn't any language in the world that could put it into words, I know that. 

Yūri brightened my world. He walked into my life so suddenly. This nervous but passionate young man whose heart glowed and burned within him like a shining star, who glittered on the ice as if he were a constellation changed me. He took my breath away. And suddenly...I felt as if I were reborn a new man, with a new purpose, a new direction. A new chance at the things I'd been neglecting all my life...

Sometimes I have these nights even now, where sleep just doesn't feel like coming to me. But it's different now. I don't count the seconds in my head as time trickles slowly past. I don't need to measure the rhythm of the air conditioner as it hums away. I've stopped focusing on the sound the sheets make if I move even slightly. Instead, on these sleepless nights, I get as close to him as my body will allow, my bare skin touching as much of his as it can. I reach for his hand and take it gently in mine, longing to feel the touch of his fingers, the smoothness of his engagement ring. I settle into him and let his warmth and scent surround me in a soft embrace. Sometimes he'll embrace me himself, half-asleep, murmuring words of comfort in my ear. But on nights like tonight, when he's too tired to even ruffle my hair, I bury myself in his chest and listen to the slow, gentle beating of his heart as it keeps his warmth and blood flowing through his body. And sometimes, sleep does come, and I'll wake up in the morning surrrounded by him, feeling his soft touch in my hair, sending goosebumps down every inch of my body. And sometimes it doesn't. Either way, it's fine. 

So, tonight I stay awake. But that's fine with me. Because I have someone, whom I'd give my entire life to, to watch over until darkness of night fades from the sky, and the stars dim in the face of an aquamarine sunrise.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tonight, I stay awake. I didn't really want to be, it just happened that way. The world around me was quiet; my mind was still trying to do the same. I guess I've always done things my own way my whole life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter here was completely unintentional. Just like the 1st one, it came to me, and I wanted to get it out. There may be 2 more chapters after this as well, that was inspired to write them for a friend who I know would really appreciate them. Thank you all for reading and be safe and well.
> 
> Aoi

Tonight, I stay awake. I didn't really want to be, it just happened that way. The world around me was quiet; my mind was still trying to do the same. I guess I've always done things my own way my whole life. 

Everything was fairly quiet, or as quiet as it could be in a hotel. You heard the occasional door shut, the soft thudding of people walking down the hall, whispers of a voice calling out to someone. It was never totally silent in a hotel, where everyone had their own schedules and agendas to keep. It made me miss my own bed sometimes, especially when my anxiety was running high. The familiarity of my room and bed was more of a comfort to me than I'd realized, and I didn't notice it until I'd started traveling for competitions. But tonight, my relief came in the form of a graceful Russian sharing his warmth and bed with me.

Sleep had come to Victor easily, as usual. He'd climbed into bed with me, said his goodnight, laid his head on my chest and within five minutes, he was out cold. He hadn't changed his spot since, which was rather impressive. He looked so peaceful, like he didn't have a care in the world. We went to sleep most nights like this, and sometimes during the day when we napped together on the couch. Victor once told me, in a low voice in the dark, that his favorite sound in the whole world was the sound of my heartbeat. Which would explain why he always looked so relaxed as he fell asleep on my chest. It almost made me more aware of what was happening in my own body, which I usually ignored.

Victor blew into my life like a tornado and turned my whole world upside down. I didn't realize how much tension I'd held in my body for so long until I felt it all slowly relax when I was with him. With him, I always felt so safe and comfortable. As long as he was near me, I felt like I could breathe easier, and my body didn't feel as tight. Victor just had this way of calming the butterflies in my stomach that no one else had. Being with him was as natural as breathing. He'd changed me; it was like my eyes had been opened, and I saw the love all around me, the love that had been there all along. Victor not only helped me see it, but gave me his own love too; me, who had never been in love before. And as he poured some of his love into me, little by little, I started pouring some back into him, as my own. 

His hair caught the dim light through a crack in the heavy curtains; it glimmered like silver. He was self conscious of his hair, but I thought it was beautiful. I ran my fingers through it. Softer than satin. I could feel his gentle warmth and soft breathing against my skin. I took a deep breath, slowly starting to unwind, and held his head to me, closing my eyes.

I know that I should be getting some much needed rest, and that thought makes me impatient and nervous. But then I focus on Victor: the warm places where we make contact, the ebb and flow of his breathing, his soft skin touching mine. The butterflies settle, my mind slows down, and my body sinks into the sheets I'm laying in. 

And even though I'm still awake, it's ok because I also want to cherish as much of our time together as I can. These beautiful moments mean so much to me, so tonight I stay awake. At least, for a little longer.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We could lie awake together and talk about anything. Skating, life, music, anything as long as I get to hear his voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the third unexpected chapter. There will be one more. I hope I did Yurio justice; hes a bit hard to write. I dedicate this and the last chapter to Haruhi_Rose, who inspired me to keep going. Thank you all for reading, and be safe and well.
> 
> Aoi

Tonight I stay awake. I'm in comfy pajamas. I drank something hot. My bed at Lillia's is as soft as ever. I have the cat for company. But why do I feel like something is still missing after all that?

I haven't really been sleeping well lately and it's pissing me off. I get ready for bed at the usual time and I still end up lying awake for hours before I crash. I've never had this problem up until now. So stupid. 

Katsudon moved here last week. He's a totally different person since he and Victor got engaged, or whatever they call their relationship. I can see it every time they're together: Katsudon's face just glows when he's with Victor, and Victor can't stop smiling and touching him. I see them: the little touches, the hand holding, the hugs...I always put on a front, like seeing it makes me feel sick, but that's not true. Their love is...beautiful. Like I'd ever say that to them, though. 

What is love? Is it like in the movies, with all the rose petals and romantic evenings? I once asked Katsudon about it, about how he feels when he's with Victor. He said that he feels safe and warm when he's with him, and how Victor makes him want to be the best he can be. He told me about all the moments they have together that mean a lot to him: laying on the couch together, going for a walk with the dog, drinking coffee outside a cafe. But can such little things really matter so much more just because of the person you're with? Has anyone ever made me feel like that before? 

Well...I guess the closest I've come to that is with Otabek. When we first talked on the rooftop...I was so awestruck by how cool he was and the aura he radiated, which was both relaxed and inviting. It made me want to know more about him. When he asked me to be friends, my heart skipped a beat so loudly I was sure he heard it. The hand I extended to shake his was trembling. When I saw him DJ-ing in that club in Barcelona, he took my breath away. I wanted to be as cool as he was. Without even thinking, I'd asked him to help me overhaul my exhibition skate. And every moment we spent together, whenever he got close to me...my heart would start pounding like it was going to explode! And for the first time in my life, I felt nervous! I never got nervous, ever! He's been on my mind a lot lately. Is this...what it feels like? 

I miss Otabek. I really do. I haven't seen him since the Grand Prix Final, and that was three months ago. Right now, I wish he was here. We could lie awake together and talk about anything. Skating, life, music, anything as long as I get to hear his voice. It's almost comforting. It makes me happy to get texts from him almost every day, but it isn't the same. 

I checked my phone. 4:45 am and no text messages. It was probably late where he lives too. But maybe he's still up, like me? Should I...should I call him...?

The hand holding my phone shook. My heart was beating in my throat and my stomach wouldn't sit still. Was I really this nervous just to call him? Me? It's just a phone call...calm down...My thumb shakily pushed the "call" button. The next few seconds of my life felt like forever. And then I heard it:

"Well, good morning, kitten. Aren't we up late?" My heart skipped a beat. Otabek's low voice resonated in my head, disrupting almost every rational thought I had. 

"Y-yes. It's really late here..."

Tonight I stay awake, because I want to hear his voice.


	4. Final

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tonight, I stay awake for a very important phone call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go. The final chapter of this fic, and the very first time I've ever finished a multi-chapter story. ADHD is absolutely no joke, and I welcome any advice on it. 
> 
> Otabek was a bit of a challenge to write, as we only really meet him at the end of the series and the rest is a mystery. I drew on what we saw in his conversation with Yuri P, and his interactions with others to form his character. I hope I did ok.
> 
> Thank you all so very much for sticking with this story to the end, and I hope you all are safe and well. Much love. 
> 
> Aoi

Tonight, I stay awake. It's a little chilly out, and I can still hear the voices from inside the stuffy club out here on the porch. The beads of sweat cool instantly on my forehead and face. 

Tonight's my DJ-ing night. I'm usually out pretty late on these nights, and don't get home before at least 3 am. I never used to mind being up so late, caught up in the multicolored lights from the club bouncing off of the sea of people below me, feeling my headphone cord brush my arm softly. I'd gotten used to seeing the sky turn pale cerulean as I fell into bed, my clothes strewn across the floor. But lately...

Lately I feel...antsy. I feel like I don't want to be out this late, another uneventful night. It's not that I hate DJ-ing, it's just...I think I want something more. I want...companionship. In a crowded club, I feel alone. I'm alone at the skating rink, and I come home and go to bed in an empty apartment. I long for a voice or a touch...HIS voice...

Yuri Plisetsky, the Russian Fairy. He looks like a mythical creature, and skates like one too. His manners aren't the best, and he can never admit when he's wrong. He's too arrogant at times, and brash at others. My Orthodox grandmother would faint if she could hear the language he uses in public. But that's the Yuri everyone else sees. I could see past that, like lifting a curtain. He's dedicated and passionate in his art, and I can feel it in every movement he makes. He's also very devoted to his friends. He doesn't have many, but I've seen the way he and Victor and other Yūri interact, and the way they both care for him too. When I came to visit Russia for a little, I caught a glimpse of Yuri asleep in other Yūri's lap, covered with Victor's coat like a blanket. I took a picture. For...research purposes. 

He's a lot more sensitive than he appears too. Everytime he messed up, tears of exhaustion and frustration in his eyes, he'd dust himself off and demand to try again. In the short time I was with him, I felt this warmth from him, like he had a fire burning inside of him. When I stayed up all night to help him redo his exhibition skate, I'd manually adjust his position to better suit the song. At one point, I had one hand at his waist and the other at his chest, positioning him. My face got hot as I felt his nervous heartbeat against my hand. I wanted to tell him that I was nervous around him too, but that wouldn't have been very cool of me. He's just so warm and ethereal...

Sometimes I wonder if I'm too focused on him. I look forward to his text messages, and get slightly put out when he stops answering (presumably from falling asleep), and I'm no exception: I've fallen asleep with my phone on my chest too many times to count. Maybe I should wrap up my set early so I can call him...

My phone vibrated in my pocket, startling me so much I almost dropped it. Fumbling, I checked the caller ID, and I couldn't help but laugh. Tonight, I stay awake for a very important phone call.

"Well, good morning, kitten. Aren't we up late?" 


End file.
